It isn't the big troubles in life that require character.
Anybody can rise to a crisis and face a crushing tragedy with courage,
but to meet the petty hazards of the day with a laugh--I really
think that requires spirit.
Daddy Long Legs-Jean Webster
She is 27 years old. She has ten siblings. She is materially poor. She has septuagenarian parents. Her eldest brother has left the family with his wife, another elder brother is crippled and depressed after a road accident. She is the sole bread-winner. She is Fatima*.
When the going gets tough God has a way of sending me a message through the everyday warriors , He calls mortals. I become relatively happy then- not because I become self-satisfied, but because of the resurfacing of my chronic optimism to go on living-come-what-may. Recently my friend Fatima visited me after a long time and we had the usual chat (when we were supposed to be discussing the methodology of her thesis).I have always known that she has been living a tough life. But this time I realized how tough it must be to go through the motions of living under the stinking nose of the society.She told me that it is getting increasingly difficult for her to concentrate on her work and studies. Her two beautiful elder sisters are yet to be married. Predictably, her orthodox society in her village is talking scandalously about the girls.She told me that even in such advanced times, people want dowry to marry- though every other day eligible gentlemen visit her homestead to take a look at the girls. Are they commodities? They wanted golden jewellery in the form of long haars and ear-rings. I wonder how anyone can equate the loveliness so characteristic of womanhood with heavy golden jewellery. A true woman is beautiful without the bother of gold or silk-saris.
When I casually suggested love-marriage, Fatima looked astonished at my suggestion. Her village looks down upon women who socialize with men. The two sisters are well past the age our society terms 'marriageable'. She told me that the dowry amount is inversely proportional to the girl's age. I felt sick in the pit of my stomach. Will Fatima ever see that golden dawn after all the hard-ships?
*Fatima isn't her real name.
9 Wisecracks:
Can't you help Fatima move out of her village ? I think the problem lies in the village and in the minds of the conformist individuals living there..Probably if she moves out of the place she might be able to think in a very unrestrained manner and ger her sisters married off :)
Age is not at all a problem these days in metros
'Revolutionary' actions such as love marriage are assisted by financial independence and education to a great degree. Very difficult for people like Fatima to move out of the village and out of age old customs. India will have to wait for quite sometime for progress in people's outlook.
I respect ur work and the pain you feel for people. But as my boss always says "you're talking about the problem... what's the solution?".
Why dont everybody post a solution to this problem when u post a comment? Of course my solution will follow
@Nithya
Moving out means quitting her job and subsequently her financial independence.Getting a job here for her is really difficult.
To us age is not the problem. But for villagers,it sure is a problem.
@Badari Narayan
By the time our society changes, girls like Fatima would have become an unsung history.
@Ashok
I wish I could post one of my revolutionary solutions here.It can never be a practical one as far as her people are concerned.Conventionality, unfortunately, has become a habit with people like her.
I would be interested in Knowing what that revolutionary idea would be?
solution:(may not be practically thou )-- creating id at matrimonial websites with details... hoping some good soul in her community would understand..!!.. world is big and full of surprises, as long as hope not lost, courage not to give up...
so her elder sister are working? educated? why aren't they thinking like fatima..!?
may be iam stupid.. but i still believe, she can change her life if she has the strength with that she will find support.
sometimes awareness is a problem but may times lack of it, is a problem..
@Ashok,
I'd let the two elder sisters study further or take up a job.That itself is quite a revolutionary idea there.This can widen the social circle and they might even find a man of their choice.
The parents can look out for a guy with a 'heart of gold' rather than the 'one demanding gold' as sons-in-law-irrespective of religion/caste.That,I'm sure, is NEVER going to happen there.
Lastly,girl children should be brought up (in such places) as people with immense potential and not as a prospective marriage commodities.Marriage should be a part and parcel of happiness.Not all!
My friend who is (un)fortunately quite soft-spoken should learn to talk back to the gossip-mongers in her society, and not sit in the corner and cry.
@Yuva
Her elder sisters have finished their High school.They are all absolutely computer-illiterate.They still believe in marrige-brokers to get married.Putting profiles on Matrimonial portals is a sacrilege for them!
Tell you what?
My friend tells me that her education(she's an M.Sc) is standing in the way of her own marriage. Men are scared to marry well-qualified women.(I've come across this phenomena myself in a 'so called' modern city like Chennai!)She doesnt consider herself fortunate due to her education though it gives the family an immense financial support.Each and every one in her family (including herself) are bothered about only one thing for the three daughters-MARRIAGE!I don't blame them.It is the society which they have grown up with that is making them think like that.
@Ashok
No offense taken:)
Not many men are happy about marrying a girl with good academic qualification,(this is again relative--qualified more than the guy)not only in villages, but also in hi-tech cities.It's a fact.
I meant girl children 'in such places' should be brought up like that because the boys (I understood) were better off as far as education/job is concerned.Atleast they have an upperhand as decision makers.So my argument was within the context of my friend's village.
Yup.Education is expensive.But not as expensive as the expensive stuff brought towards dowry.So it's worth investing in education.Anyway people like them borrow beyond their means to give away dowry.They don't do that if the money is used for the girl's education.
Well... well... well...Such calls are sure a great nuisance andI'm hardly the type of person who knows solutions for stuff like this!
Try changing your sim card,or better still,get in touch with the cyber crime department:)
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