20 things to do when you are listening to boring speakers in a ‘dignified’ gathering…

Sometimes we are caught in conference halls and are forced to sit through long and boring lectures. Time crawls during such situations. Here are some useful tips to while away your time interestingly!

1. Occupy the seats in the last row.
2. Make sure you sit with a friend or someone as close.
3. Carry a mobile phone. It can endlessly occupy you with its ‘n’ number of features. Don’t forget the headphones!
4. Count the number of windows, fans, grey haired people,etc... in the conference hall. Better still, count the number of chairs!
5. Try dressing up and styling each and everyone in the audience (in your imagination, of course!!!). This can beat a “makeover show’, trust me!
6. Always carry a notebook and a pen. It’s thrilling to play tic-tac-toe with your friend and pretend as though you are busy discussing the ‘salient points’ of the lecture!
7. Count the number of people who are pretending to listen. The more vigorous their nods, the greater pretenders they should be!
8. Choose a seat beside the window. A boring speech is the best time to admire the most overlooked beauty in your surroundings.
9. Count the numbers of certain words the speaker uses, for instance, ‘like’, ‘basically’, ‘ok’, 'you know',etc…You’ll be amazed at the number of times such words are unnecessarily repeated even by the most brilliant of speakers. Guys! This tip is a time tested one.
10. Find out the number of men/women who have a pseudo persona – something which they acquire for such type of gatherings.
11. Count the number of people fidgeting and shifting on their seats. Begin from row one. Believe me, it’s a very interesting passtime.
12. Pretend you are taking down the important points of their speech, but practice some really squiggly kolams. Gentlemen! Now don’t be spoil-sports; you too can try your hands at making kolams.
13. Practice yawning without opening your mouth, but through your nostrils. Though not half so satisfying, it’s not so difficult after all when one hones that skill.
14. Catch the speaker’s eye as often as you check the time on your wrist watch. This might remind him/her that there’s something called ‘conclusion’ for everything.
15. This is especially for the benefit of womenfolk. Try observing the neck patterns of blouse/salwar of the women occupying the front- rows. You won’t be stymied the next time your dressmaker asks you to choose a neck pattern for your new outfit!
16. Now for some math…count the number of people going out to those coming inside the hall. Work out the ratio and proportion. Never mind if your calculations are wrong, it’ll help awaken your grey matter anyway!
17. Visit the refreshment stalls surrounding the conference hall. Trust me, listening drains as much of one’s energy as speaking.
18. Try placing the accent of the speaker. There are many ‘give aways’ there. Many pronounce ‘sample’ as ‘samble’ , ‘important’ as ‘imbortand’, ‘table’ as ‘tabel’, ‘people’ as ‘peepal’ and wannabes give an extra ‘roll’ to their ‘R’s. These are only parts of the exhaustive list I have!
19. Check out if the speaker nicks the mineral water bottles (shamelessly of course!) that are put on their tables/podiums.
20. Last, but not the least, write such useful tips in your notepad so as to help the future victims of boring talks.

Disclaimer: The tips given here are solely the writer’s. Practice them at your own risk!!!